I sat at the bus stop relaxing. My day was just beginning and for once I was on time. The sun’s warmth added delight to my morning. Glancing around, I noticed an elderly lady come out of the corner shop. She headed to the corner to cross the road just as a bus was approaching.
Thinking the lady would stop for the bus, I was shocked to see her step onto the road. My eyes widened and then relaxed with relief as I saw the bus slowing to stop. Attentively, I watched this frail old lady slowly continue across the road. Phew, I thought, as she passed the middle. All clear. She is safe.
Suddenly, as if from nowhere, a car came speeding through the intersection. I watched in stunned disbelief as the car hit her, and she flew into the air. Before I knew it, I was running towards her.
Life is full of risks and dangers that can have a profound impact on us. When we know there is a risk in what we do, in this case crossing the road, we learn to manage it as part of life. Yet, as in this example, the unpredictability of potential risks, along with unknown ones, is one of the greatest uncertainties and dangers of life.
If you are recovering from trauma or experience anxiety regularly, you are likely to be aware that unpredictable danger is potentially all around. This awareness of your vulnerability may be ingrained into your system such that you are almost always, if not constantly, on alert.
You are unconsciously waiting for potential threats to strike, unsure if you will be able to manage them. This state uses a lot of your energy and can leave you exhausted, impacting your ability to manage a ‘normal’ life. This state is known as hypervigilance. If you are experiencing hypervigilance, gaining a sense of safety in your day-to-day life can be a challenge. It is for me.
I clearly remember the day a psychologist told me I was safe. I did not feel it, and I said so. He attempted to convince me I was because there was no ‘clear and imminent danger present’. It was true that we were not on a battlefield, and no tigers were chasing us.
However, I knew the power of those who were threatening me and my position at my workplace. I knew the importance of maintaining an income and how challenging it can be to gain employment. I need an income to cover my cost of living, and I was at risk of losing it. My means of living in our society was being threatened. This was a real threat. I was not safe. The psychologist might not have believed it. He might not have understood. But I did. I knew what was happening, and I had no idea of how to manage it. I was at risk. I was not safe. No matter what he said.
So, while this psychologist was telling me I was safe, my prefrontal cortex—the thinking part of the brain—was spinning out of control attempting to understand and find a way to manage the risk right in front of me.
The statement ‘you are safe’ may have been intended to reassure me, but I knew it was bullshit—he was not considering the real risk I was facing. This made it harder, not easier, for me to manage my anxiety.
The idea that we are safe because we don’t have tigers running around or are not on a battlefield is widespread. The suggestion that you are ‘overreacting’ when your life is not in immediate danger and your survival system kicks into action is treacherous.
In truth, for many of us, the statement ‘you are safe’ is bullshit and we know it. It is unhelpful when any risk we may encounter is discarded or minimized. In fact, for some, being told ‘you are safe’ creates confusion and further distress. What is helpful is to consider and learn ways to manage the potential or actual risk.
Have you, like me, felt confused, even stupid, for not being able to relax because you do not feel safe, despite being told you are safe? Have you found things harder to manage because you are not being listened to? Has this happened when you were already struggling because you didn’t know how to handle the threat you were reacting to? Are you attempting to manage hypervigilance on a regular basis? If so, you are not alone, many of us live with hypervigilance.
Meditation is often recommended to reduce hypervigilance. The intention is to settle the nervous system and in theory it is a fantastic recommendation. At the same time, having a sense of safety is critical for being able to settle, to sit, before you can even consider meditating. This reality is typically neglected when the suggestion to meditate is given.
So, before you attempt to meditate, it is important to ask yourself:
‘Do I feel safe?’
Not, ‘Am I supposed to feel safe because others tell me I am’, but:
‘Do I feel safe?’
Janelle Sheen is venturing from academic writing, of two theses and articles on aromatherapy and education, into creative non-fiction. She dreams of writing her first book on meditation for trauma and anxiety as part of a journey to reclaiming her life. She is currently tackling her Graduate Certificate of Writing and Literature at Deakin University hoping to develop her writing skills.